Letting Go
by midnightjewel
Summary: Sometimes, all you need is just love


Disclaimer: Nope, don't own anything here. Not the characters especially. Except the plot. That's kinda mine. Mixed in with inspiration from other authors. Thank you :D

Summary: Sometimes, all it takes is just love.

The moon shone brightly, casting a picturesque scenery with breathtaking background and quiet surrounding. Stars in the sky twinkled, smiling upon the people below them. Dawn has crept in silently, trying not to disturb the wonderful air. A loud shrilling scream broke the peaceful ambiance. Shocked, Kaoru woke up in a start as her eyes opened widely. Remembering the scream, Kaoru gasped as she realised the direction it came from.

Hurriedly, Kaoru ran as quickly as she could on her sock-clad feet, across the wooden floor to her designated door. Slamming the dojo door open, she entered the room, trying to calm Kenshin.

"Kenshin! Wake up!" Kaoru begged as she tried casting the nightmare away.

However, those desperate pleas fell on deaf's eyes. Sweat covered his face. Shivering, Kenshin mumbled incomprehensible words, a whisper here, a whisper there. Kaoru just stared in silence, thinking of ways to stop him from the terror. She couldn't do anything. She couldn't protect him from what he was facing.

flash

_I'll protect you. I promise. _-liar...-

flash

_And then you'll stop referring to yourself as a low peasant! -liar-_

Those ideals of hers were fairytales. She is useless. She can't even help him achieve a peaceful night filled with bright and wonderful dreams. She can't protect him from those invisible demons.

"Tomoe..."

Another piece of her heart shattered. _Tomoe..._ She wasn't Tomoe. She wasn't beautiful, graceful and understanding. She can't cook. She can't clean. Oh god. She can't even look after the one man she love. Eventhough she promised him loudly and confidently just hours ago, she can't fulfill that promise. She's a failure.

Drip. Drip.

flash

_I'll make you happy one day! _-liar...-

flash

_You'll be smiling everyday without a worry! -liar-_

Tears fell from her eyes. All she can do is scream, scold and hit people with her half-heartened style. She can't even help Kenshin when he fights. If anything, she hinders him. She pulls him back. He has to protect her, over and over again. No matter how many times she assures him that she can take care of herself, in the end he has to come back for her. He has to save her reckless self and risks getting hurt or losing in battle.

"Tomoe, I'm sorry..."

"I love you, Tomoe..."

_Kenshin... Why... Why do you hurt my heart..._

Drip. Drip.

_No, Kenshin. I'm sorry... I can't keep the promise... I can't do this... Your heart... Is not mine..._

Hushing her own sobs, Kaoru tried to concentrate on the current situation. This wasn't about her at all. This was about Kenshin. And she needs to wake him up immediately. Carelessly wiping her tears, Kaoru once again began shaking Kenshin's shoulders.

"Wake up... Kenshin... Wake up..."

Quickly, Kaoru sat and folded her legs infront of her. Cradling his head, Kaoru pulled him towards her lap and began wiping his sweat. Humming some random melody, she prayed for his nightmare to be gone. Softly, she continued to called his name, begging him to escape from those evil demons.

"Kenshin..."

"Tomoe...?" he called out lovingly.

_I'm not Tomoe... I will never be able to be her..._

"Don't leave me again, Tomoe..."

_No... How about me... Don't you want me too... Kenshin... Save me... _

"No, it's me, Kaoru."

"Oh, Kaoru-dono. Sorry, did I wake you up? Forgive this humble one for causing disturbance to your sleep."

His voice changed. It was more guarded. Eventhough the difference was slight, Kaoru could still hear it as clear as if a glass had shattered in a quiet room.

_Why Kenshin... Why not me... Why didn't you call me... I can feel the darkness trying to swallow me... Kenshin..._

Holding his hand, Kaoru tried to calm him down. Shushing him, she coaxed him into a light sleep. All the while, she noticed how he held onto her hand tighter and how his hand slipped a little as he fell into the traps of the sandman. Playing with his long red strands of hair, Kaoru tried to clear her minds of their doubts. Kenshin was in love with her. He told her before. She clearly remembered the way he whispers his love to her, the way his eyes twinkled, the love for her obvious in his eyes.

_flashback_

"Kenshin!" she giggled.

"Yes?" his voice suave, mysterious and positively teasing.

Pulling from underneath him, trying to escape from his wondering hands at her ticklish spots, the love held for her only was so open for everyone to see. Smiling brightly at him, she was greeted back with a sweet smile. Suddenly, his hair were around their faces, hiding them from the outside world like a curtain. The only warning she had of his next actions were the movement of his hands away from her waist and a small tinkle of his eyes. Her next words were drowned by his incoming tides of melting kisses. Yes, it was so obvious. He loves her. It was as clear as a sunny day.

_flashback_

Yet, why wasn't it her name he had called? Why was it Tomoe... No, she had to stop thinking. Carefully laying Kenshin back onto the bed, she walked outside to take some fresh air. Perhaps, they were going too fast. After all, it had only been a few months he had decided to stay here. But didn't he say he stayed here for her? No. Tomoe was his wife. No one can forget someone so precious so easily.

_Wasn't I the more precious now?_

No. She can't be jealous now. No. She needed... She need to rest. Taking several steps, she walked back to her room and pulled the blanket over her, hoping to hide her from her incoming thoughts.

_Go away... I don't wanna think no more..._

Mr Sandman couldn't come quicker to take her away.

The next morning, when Kenshin woke up to call Kaoru for breakfast, he sensed a difference. She was more distant, less responsive. Even Yahiko's taunting had no effect on her. The only response was a nod, a small grunt and a slight tilt of her head acknowledging his presence. Kaoru knew her attitude was hurting everyone but her heart ached more...

flash

"_I love you, Tomoe..."_

No... No... STOP IT! Stop thinking. Kaoru tried to relax her labored breath.

_Kenshin loves me..._

flash

"_I love you, Ka-Tomoe-oru"_

No! No! It was her name. Hers! Not Tomoe's.

_I can't keep going on. I need. I need... _

"Kaoru?" Kenshin asked, worriedly.

"Oh, yea. Sorry, Kenshin. Was thinking. Ya..." Kaoru replied quietly, "I don't think I feel so well. I'm going to go back into my room to take a nap. Ok?"

"Sure. You want me to-"

Kaoru had already left the room before Kenshin could finish the question. Yahiko and Kenshin met each other's gaze worriedly.

Opening the door as quiet as a mouse, Kenshin entered Kaoru's room. She was sitting in the middle of the room, her attention obviously in another dimension as her eyes look glazed. Looking at her sleep-deprived face, he grew more worried. Pulling her into his embrace, he lightly combed her hair with his hand.

Immediately, Kaoru grew a bit tense before convincing herself to relax.

flash

"_Tomoe..."_

_Kenshin was holding onto Tomoe, his eyes bright with his love for her._

Kaoru pushed Kenshin away, trying to shake that image from her mind. This caused Kenshin to grow more worried. Realising there was no way out of it, Kaoru decided to face her fears and ask Kenshin once and for all about her doubts.

"Kenshin, what were you dreaming about last night?"

The colours drained from Kenshin's face. Flashes of his dreams - moments spent with Tomoe : her smile, her arms, her body, her lips - appeared again before his eyes. He was dreaming of Tomoe. Time spent with her. No. He had another. He... had Kaoru...

"Tomoe..." he accidentally whispered out.

"I see..." Kaoru replied.

Eyes wide open as Kenshin realised what he had just said. He knew what Kaoru felt. He was sort of betraying her. He was... comparing her to a dead person. He was remembering memories of his dead wife when he had another woman in his life.

"Kaoru..." he began.

"No. No. I just needed that." Kaoru cut in.

"I was just-"

"No. I was there. You called me Tomoe. You said 'don't leave me. I love you'. I heard you loud and clear. You don't have to lie." Kaoru once again interfered.

The room once again fell into silence as everything was understood. Before Kenshin could even begin another sentence, Kaoru had pushed him out, quietly asking for time to rest. Realising she needed time to be left alone, Kenshin just walked out.

However, he had no idea what Kaoru was feeling. Her mind was in turmoil. She needed out. She needed a break. She... She will leave... Yes.

flash

_A pale woman with long black hair standing with a kimono on, a red-haired man standing protectively behind her. His hand was securely around her waist, showing that she was hers as she calmly smiled._

In the end... Kaoru lost to the memories of a dead woman...

Hearing a slight noise from the house, Kenshin immediately woke up. Fearing it was some enemy of his trying to claim revenge for his past, he quickly grabbed his sword and slipped into the darkness. Hoping to surprise the stranger, he kept his presence as hidden as he could. But what greeted his eyes was more shocking than what he had imagined. Kaoru. Kaoru was... leaving?? Grabbing her free arm, Kenshin tried to prevent her from taking any more step towards the exit of the house.

"I don't understand Kaoru. Where are you going?" Kenshin asked, confused.

"Err... Kenshin. I can't keep this. I keep imagining you and Tomoe. I know. You didn't mean to call out her name. But." Kaoru answered.

"Kaoru, please understand. She was my love, my wife. You can't expect me to just forget her. Please. Stop this." Kenshin pleaded.

"It's not that Kenshin. I'm just... I think I'm insecure... I feel sometimes that our love can never measure up to her memories..." Kaoru explained, her eyes shining with true pain.

"Kaoru..." Kenshin begin.

"No. No. Please. Give me some time..." Kaoru cut in.

"You're not her replacement. I swear!" Kenshin tried to reason.

"Perhaps. Maybe. But, you know, my heart just aches. And, I think I need this time apart.

I'm sorry. I think I need to find myself. I need to be able to believe that it is me you love. I'll come back, I promise." Kaoru said.

"I'll wait. I'll be patient. I know one day, you'll return to my side once again." Confidence grew abit in Kenshin. He was reluctant. But he knew. He knew. She needed this time to sort out her feelings. He was sure. She would come back.

One step. Another step. And another and another and it goes on. A back glance. A tiny but absolute smile. A sparkle of happiness in blue eyes. And then a disappearing shadow following the sun across the horizon.

A whisper - thank you.

A promise - I'll come back.

A hope - we'll be together, happily in love, together forever.

Happiness and love aren't perennial. You have to find them, earn them and treasure them.

Authors Note

A light one-shot. Hope you had fun reading as I had fun writing.


End file.
